Thanksgiving 2010 went well. Until a few hours ago. I stayed with Ken last night...so we get up this morning, I get ready, and then I head off to my Dad's house so we can go up to his side of the family. We did lunch there, and it was great seeing everyone. Especially my brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and neice. We had amazing food and great fellowship. I am so thankful for such a wonderful, strong, and supportive family. I would be so lost without them.

After lunch and hanging around talking for a while, Dad and I came back home. I ended up taking a nap on the couch [and still have a crick in my neck from that] while he watched football. My phone kept going off...so I eventually got up, surfed facebook for a while...and that's when things went downhill.

Again, Ken and I are arguing. This time, I have no earthly clue as to why. And it bothers me. I am tired of dating assholes. It frustrates me, because I did nothing this time and then get the blame put on me. I really don't know how much more I can take. Because he's pushing me away. We had a great time the past two nights. Wonderful time to be exact. We're riding in the car last night talking about how this is gonna work out...and then this happens. I can't do this much more. He means the world to me, but my heart keeps breaking. I want to scream. I want to cry. I am sitting here, typing this out...just crying and shaking. I'm that mad and frustrated from all this crap.

But I had to get this off my chest. I can't keep it bottled in because it makes things worse. But I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! 95% of mine was good :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I'm afraid that I might get too busy tomorrow to post a blog about Thanksgiving. I'm thankful year around for what I have....but this year, I feel more thankful than ever before. So, I am going to post some pictures of what I am thankful for, but also, write why or something like that.



All of my siblings. All 6 of them to be exact; I don't have a picture of all of us. But they're my world.




The best friends a girl could ask for. Seen in the above and below picture. Yes, I have more friends, but these are definitely the three that I rely on the most.





Having a pretty amazing man in my life :) He definitely brightens up my day!




The best parents a girl could ask for. They're so supportive! Shown in the above and below picture. [Wish I had a picture of my Step-Dad, but I can't find one on my computer. He's in that list too.]



I'm thankful that I have a job...this time last year, I had just lost my job. I'm thankful for good health. I am thankful for an amazing God. And the list goes on and on.

Thanksgiving has always been a big deal for our family. Sandy and I go with my Dad to his side of the family since they don't do anything for Christmas. So, Daddy, Sandy, Justin [her fiancee], and I are going over there and then there's no telling what I am doing that night. The tradition has been to watch the lighting of the Macy's tree...so I will probably do that again. I just wish that Ken was going. Because his family isn't doing anything until that evening. But because Bryan came home with me last year, I didn't figure it would be wise to bring a new guy home this year [to Dad's anyways]. Christmas is a different story. He's coming home with me :)

But everyone have a great and safe Thanksgiving and enjoy time with your loved ones!

November 21, 2008

I will never forget that day. It started off like any other Friday. I got up early because I had to take Parker [my little brother] to the baby sitter's house. I just threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, since it was cold. Got him dressed, we watched a few minutes of cartoons and we got in the car...and off to the baby sitter's we go.

I'm driving along the road. I have the radio softly playing and Parker is in the back seat in his car seat just talking up a storm. We round a curb in the road, and that's when my life completely changed. I am going about 45-50 MPH at the time, and about 15 yards in front of me, this Honda CRV pulls out in front of me, without stopping at the stop sign. I T-Boned her in her drivers door and don't remember anything else until stopping. My airbags deployed. I finally came to a stop...and didn't care about anything until I got my little brother out of the back. I open up the door, jump out [I don't remember undoing my seat belt] and opened the back door. What do I see? My brother sitting there with blood trickling down his face. I freaked out in my mind. But stayed calm so he wouldn't freak. Apparently something hit him right beside his right eye, and we have no clue what it was. We call 911...I call my Dad and step-dad. It seriously felt like an eternity before they got there. But in reality, it was probably 5-7 minutes. The girl in the other vehicle got a ticket for failure to yield.

I sustained a few injuries from the wreck. I sprained my ankle somehow. Had some seat belt burns [from my chest all the way to my hips...they were UGLY!]. I seriously looked like I had been beaten. And then went to the hospital two days later because I couldn't breathe. And I had some deep muscle bruises. So needless to say, recovery wasn't fun. But I have to say, it was the worst day of my life. Ever. I will leave you with a few pictures. They still give me chills to look at them. And to be honest, I have no idea how I survived besides with God on my side. I am extremely lucky.



The side of the Honda that pulled out in front of us. Bad part? It was brand new basically and this totaled her vehicle due to the airbags coming out and bending the frame.




What was left of my car



Close up

They might smell, and they might hurt, but boy, do they save lives. I've never been more thankful for an airbag.



Standing from what the driver's side door.



The scary thing is, where that crack is...it's probably about eye level with where my head was. I am so glad that it just spider webbed my windshield and there was that major crack in the middle. Not too sure how bad it would have been if it shattered.

Looking back two years later...I drive a lot more carefully even though this wasn't my fault. I just pay more attention to the people around me. But every time someone pulls out in front of me, my heart beats a little faster and I slightly freak out because I think of the wreck. But I am done blogging for a day...two posts for a day is enough. Especially when they're long like these are. Have a wonderful night!

Love...

"On this day in your life, we believe that God wants you to know...that a successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time. Each time on a whole new level you together open in love and discover the truth of your beloved anew. There is no limit to the beauty of your beloved. If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing."

So, as everyone knows, facebook has many applications. And not gonna lie, the majority of them get on my nerves. But I use the "Status Shuffle" one and the "God wants you to know" one. Well, this was my message today. And after the weekend I've had, I needed to read that. To put it easily, without going in to details, my feelings for Ken had changed. I don't feel like going in to details, because I don't feel like posting my entire life on blogger. Because I know some people read this.

Anyways, I go over there last night [Sunday] and tell him this. We argue. We fight. He kicks me out. I leave. I cry. He calls. I call my Mom and tell her what happened. I call him back after I get off the phone with my Mom and head back to his house to talk. Lots of things come out. He's hurt. I'm hurt devastated. But in all of this, I realize that I still want to be with him. I am head over heels in love with this guy. And he is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I realized that I don't want to lose him. I want to eventually one day go to bed beside him every night...and wake up next to him each morning. Right now, we are taking it day by day...hour by hour...minute by minute. We want this to work still. I want us to pick up the pieces and slowly piece them back together. It's going to take a while, but I know that we can get through this. I know that we will survive. I know that we are stronger than this. We have practically talked all day today. Whether it be on FaceBook, the phone, or text message. And trust me, we rarely do that due to both of our schedules. But it all started with a FB message this morning responding to one from me last night. Then he called me before 8 this morning, and we talked some. I found out he didn't go to work due to all this last night. Then it's been off and on talking the rest of the day. I feel like such a horrible person for what I've done. But like I told him in a text sometime this morning "this will either break us or make us stronger than ever, and I pray it's the second." I know we can get through this. I know we are stronger than this.

But I am going to end this right here. But before I go, since I haven't posted a picture of him or I or anything, I'm going to post one. It's from a day at the pool this summer. It's not the best picture because we aren't "posing" for a picture together...it was a group picture. So there's some legs of someone who was between him and I. But I cropped everyone out besides the two of us. I hope everyone else has a wonderful Monday. I know, those don't belong in the same sentance together. But I hope it's better than my Monday!

Happy Birthday...

TO ME!!!!

Actually, my birthday isn't until Wednesday, the 17th. But seeing as it is 11:39 PM here [at the time this was written, anyways], I will go ahead and post this. I cannot believe I am about to be 22 years old! It seems just like yesterday, I was going in to high school. And that was almost eight (WTH?!) years ago. Birthday plans, you ask? Well, this past Saturday, my family took me out to dinner along with the boyfriend [EEK! And soon enough, probably by the end of this week, I will do a post explaining how this came to be]. We went to Fat's Cafe, and boy, was it good. Then I went to his house and stayed the night. Again, eek! On my birthday, [tomorrow!] I am working [boo!] and then hanging out with the boyfriend again. Not too sure if the family has anything planned for when I get home...doubt it. It'll be kinda late. Then Friday is when we really celebrate. A group of friends and I are going to go eat dinner and then head downtown! Have to admit, I am pretty excited about it! Hopefully, they'll be plenty of pictures taken...and hopefully, I'll remember the next day! No, I don't drink that much...but a lot of things have been accomplished in the past year, and I am ready to start a new year in my life! So...Happy Birthday, to me!!

Before a wedding, in October.

P.S.--Now, just 10 minutes until my Birthday! Hope everyone has a Wonderful Wednesday!!

30 Day Letter Project: Day 16

Day 16: Someone who is not in your State/Country

Erica,

Girl! I MISS YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY!! I can't wait for you to come home for the holidays and we can catch up and hang out and do what we use to do! I believe a mall trip is definitely in order. I could use a girls day right about now. Girl, we have so much to catch up on. I've gotta tell you about Ken! And maybe [just maybe], he might come home with me for Christmas so all of y'all can meet him! I'm sure y'all will absolutely love him. He's such a wonderful guy. I am praying that you and the kids have a safe trip back home and can't wait to see y'all! And you, Kenneth, and the kids are in my prayers as he serves and fights for our country. But I am going to leave this short. I could go on for days about how much I miss you and can't wait to share old times again! I love you girl...see you in a few weeks!!

30 Day Letter Project: Day 15

Day 15: The Person You Miss the Most

Ken,

Even though I get to see you at least once a week...words cannot express how much I miss you when we aren't together. I miss being with you. I miss laughing. I miss just everything about you. I cannot believe how much things have changed in the past six months...and it's outright crazy. We go from barely knowing each other the day you helped me move, to becoming friends. Out of becoming friends, we watched a relationship bloom. And now, I'm absolutely head over heels for you. And yes, it scares the living day lights out of me...but I know that God has His hand in all of this. You're such a great guy. And you're the reason that gets me through the days. Especially when I am having a down day. And one text from you just makes me smile. You mean so much to me, Darling. And I am definitely falling in love with you. And like we both said on Saturday night..."I'm not going anywhere." Can't wait to see where this goes! And definitely can't wait to see you Wednesday. I'm counting down :)

30 Day Letter Project: Day 14

Day 14: A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk to

Mr. L,

I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't for a moment think of you. I know you look down on me and the rest of the family, just smiling. I was talking about you last night. 4 years since you've passed. September 2, 2006. I remember the couple days before you passed and right after you passed so clearly. I still tear up when I think about those days. I will never forget the first Christmas without you. I was fine at Aunt Linda's house...there was just that void of you not being there. But I cried as soon as we got back to your and Mrs. Dot's house. I wish you had the chance to meet Parker and LeahJean. They're great kids! And I am so thankful for the time I had you in my life. You were such an amazing man and such a great "grandfather". Even though you were my Step-Dad's Dad, I thought of you as blood related. Words can't express how much I've missed you over the past four years! I love you and can't wait to see you again one day!!

30 Day Letter Project: Day 13

Day 13: Someone You Have Drifted Away From

Kristi,

What happened? I know that up until I got married [or more like my Bridal Shower] that you and I were so incredibly close. We had known each other from the time we could walk [literally]. We danced together. We were in Band together...both of us playing the clarinet until I switched over to flagline. We would get our nails done together. And randomly go out to lunch and talk about any and everything. What happened? I miss times like that. I miss doing whatever we wanted to and talking about whatever came up. I was hurt when you stopped talking to me and when you weren't there for me when I needed someone the most. Maybe we can rekindle this friendship, but I'm afraid it's going to take a lot of work.



Kristi and I, 19th Birthday



30 Day Letter Project: Day 12

Day 12: Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

Tommy,

I know that things went so wrong in our relationship, and I'm not sure if you will ever forgive me. And I am sorry for the things that I did that ended up hurting you. But I know that God had a reason for them all. You have a great wife, who I know loves you so much. I know that God is going to do amazing things in y'alls marriage...and I am so glad that you found the person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with! Again, I am so sorry, and I do hope that you will forgive me one day [if you haven't yet].

Happy Veteran's Day!!

I am proud of the man I call Dad is a Vietnam Veteran. I am proud that he gave up four years of his life to serve our country and fight for our freedom. Also, my older brother is a Veteran still serving. He has done a tour in Afghanistan and will be returning again next year, unless he gets the job that he has put in for.

But thank you to ALL of the men and women who have fought for and died for our country. I am so thankful for each and every one of you for doing what you do!

I'm So Glad I'm Not the Person That I Was a Year Ago Today...

November 2, 2009

Bryan [my now ex] and I get up and start getting ready. About 10:00-10:30 that morning, we head up to Barrow County to go before the Justice of the Peace and say our vows. Confess our love to each other in front of the JOP, his Dad and Step-Mom, and God. Say "I Do" for the rest of our lives. We did it alright, and we were beyond thrilled. He was finally my husband. I was finally his wife.

We get married, and then go out to lunch with his Dad and Step-Mom. We head home, take a nap, and then go and pick up his little sister from school. I don't remember the rest of the day like I remember the first part of that day, but needless to say it wasn't important. I do remember the next day and going to the SS office to get my name legally changed. I was beyond excited at the moment to go from my maiden name, to his last name. I remember how excited I was when I got my SS card in the mail. And I remember 2 weeks later [from the day we got married] going to the DMV and changing my license over, since it was also my 21st birthday. Again, I was beyond excited to have his name!

May 9, 2010

Married for six months and 1 week exactly. Two days prior to this date, I was told that my husband of 6 months needed some time to himself...some time to think...wanted to separate. I was devastated. Actually, devastated is an understatement. Fast forward two days, back to the 9th. It's a beautiful Sunday morning [Mother's Day, to be exact]. I am getting ready for church...I believe I was actually straightening my hair at the present moment. Texting Ken. [Yeah, you remember the small things.] I get this text message from Bryan "I believe it's best if we get a divorce. Don't call me right now, I'm with my family." Almost worded just like that. I cried. I dropped whatever I was holding. [I'm home alone, the rest of the family went to Sunday school...didn't get up in time.] I was stunned. I sent Ken a text message saying "It's over...he wants a divorce". I finished getting ready for church, walked to my room, and took my engagement ring and wedding band off. Still crying...actually, bawling now. Went to church, told my family, and had all their support. Told my sister and her fiance over lunch at a little local Mexican restaurant. Filed for divorce just four days later.

June 22, 2010

Divorce finalized. I was happy to go back to my maiden name. Happy to get rid of his last name. Happy to just be "Heather" again and not "Heather and Bryan". I went back to the SS office, changed my name, and went to the DMV. Felt so good getting all these things out of the way. I sent out a mass message to some close friends and Ken saying "IT'S OVER!!" I was that excited, people! Later that night, after everyone went to bed...I cried. I lost it. It hit me that I was single again. It hit me that we didn't honor those vows that we said to each other. It all just hit me. It was the first night in about a week or two that I cried myself to sleep.

Today. November 2, 2010

I look back on the past year, and see what all I went through. I am so much stronger now than I was a year ago when I said those words to Bryan. I am finally happy. I smile. I laugh. I have a great time. People ask how me and Bryan are doing, and I'm not afraid to say that we are divorced. Crazy how some people still don't know...my relationship status and name has definitely been changed for almost six months on FB.

I have the best support group that a person can ask for. I have an awesome God...wonderful family...and amazing friends. I have moved on...and there's a pretty amazing guy in my life. Didn't think I would fall for someone so fast, but I did. He makes me happy. He makes me smile. He knows how to comfort me. And he knows how to get on my nerves. Do I love him? I think so. But I'm scared to admit that yet. There is definitely a connection between him and I that I've never felt with anyone [including Bryan].

No, I'm not happy that I am a 21 [almost 22] year old, and have already been married. But am I glad that we got a divorce? Yes. It wouldn't have worked out. We were two totally different people. I know, I can't go back and change the past year, but, I do know that the past year has taught me so much about myself. And I now can officially say, I know how it feels to hit rock bottom. I know how it feels to have no where to go but up. And I've made it. I survived.